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m y s p a c e [28 Sep 2005|03:05pm] [ mood | chipper ] I've been using myspace lately, so look me up there. if you can give it, i can take it. i mooooved... or don't

[21 May 2005|10:27pm] [ mood | angry ] i've got a twenty dollar bill that says no one's ever seen you without makeup. you're always made up. and i'm sick of your tattoos and the way you don't appreciate brand new or me. and i know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic, but when i say, 'let's keep in touch' i hope you know i mean, 'i wish that you'd grow up.' this is the first song for your mixtape and it's short just like your temper. somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool. 1 comment ♥ or don't

[02 May 2005|01:31pm] [ mood | happy ] Yeah, I'm a big Lisa Loeb whore. What can I say? She can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written. She's never been in love with you before. Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood. Your hair falls soft like animals. I'm trying to keep cool but everyone likes you. Well, I want to kiss the back of your neck, The top of your spine where your hair hits And on your fingertips and fall asleep. I'll talk you to sleep. But I'll be the one that I will have chosen. I'm trying to keep cool but everyone here likes you. I'm not the only one. Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood. Your hair falls soft like animals And nothing else matters... She can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written 'Cause she's never been in love with you before, In love with you before. Your hand so hot burns a hole in my hand. I wanted to show you. or don't

--> INDECISION <-- [30 Apr 2005|06:51pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] If it's really love, you'd follow it forever. Would you wander for me? Even though you think I'm lost and you know better, Would you wander for me? 'Cause wandering is more feeling footprints right behind me. How far would you go outside the lines if just to find me? Letting go of everything that grounds us, Would you wander for me? Even though there's darkness all around us, Would you wander for me? 'Cause I'd wander for you 'Cause wandering is more than feeling footprints right behind me. How far would you go outside the lines if just to find me? When you see that I have gone to the edge and way beyond, Would you wander for me? It doesn't matter where we are We can be our northern star Far above the earth and weather, together Wandering is more than feeling footprints right behind me. How far would you go outside the lines if just to find me? When you see that I have gone to the edge and way beyond, Would you wander for me? If it's really love, you'd follow it forever... or don't

K-O-N-F-U-S-I-O-N [28 Apr 2005|10:43pm] [ mood | confused ] He's the kind of guy Who's always passing by Who never has time to spend And he'll take you for a spin And won't look within To find out who you are And he numbs himself with weed He's from the coldest breed Who judge by what they see And I thought he was smart enough To know that the girl on his arm Will never calm his storms Watch out He'll charm you Smoother than the L.A. weather That's how he holds himself together He is colder than the winter I wrap my coat around to better Counteract his charm attack That leaves me hungry Well, I'm no savior but I tried to save you With all my love That rage and hide inside And he has his minions With no real opinions 'Cause they all walk on glass And your lies become the truth And give me the proof That you really care With your gorgeous grin You have the world sucked in Believing in everything you say Watch out He'll charm you Smoother than the L.A. weather That's how he holds himself together He is colder than the winter I wrap my coat around to better Counteract his charm attack That leaves me hungry Well, I'm no savior but I tried to save you With all my love That rage and hide inside... And he stamps on every emotion And he dampens each and every explosion... or don't

Piss on ♥ [20 Apr 2005|07:52pm] [ mood | cynical ] I hate people that depend too much on the people they love. That just pisses me off. To say that you absolutely cannot live without another person is pathetic. I understand that you may be depressed, but life is a big pile of shit so get over it. There's no use in wallowing in your own self pity. It gets you nowhere. Do people ever really get over their first "loves"? I'm sure some people do, but what about those that don't? When they "move on" and start to see other people, they're really just setting the other person up for a broken heart from the very start. I think there should be a universal rule that if you've got feelings for someone else, its mandatory to let the other person know. How can you start a relationship with someone when you know that you'll never love them the way they want? Why do people say, "I've been hurt by people my whole life"? That's no excuse. It makes me so angry to see people mistrust and then blame it on other people. If you don't trust someone, just say it. It probably has nothing to do with the fact that your father left or your boyfriend cheated on you. It more that likely has to do with the fact that you just don't trust them. If you don't want to be with someone, tell them. Don't let them believe there's a shred of hope that you'll end up together when you know there isn't. Don't say, "I'm just not sure what I want right now." The fact that you're "not sure of what you want" just pisses me off. You know damn well what you want. You only make things worse by dragging out the situation. Also, if someone hurts you, don't spend the rest of your life trying to make them feel bad about it. Nine times out of ten, they already do. They don't need you to keep reminding them that they fucked up. Be a bitch/asshole for awhile if you like, but learn to get over it. Holding a grudge is very unhealthy, and so is keeping things bottled up which is why I'm writing this. I'm not sure I even believe in eternal love, to be honest. I don't think people are meant to be together forever. I think people are designed to live in phases, just like in high school. When you went through your goth phase, you had certain friends. When you went through your boy band phase or your awkward stage, you had certain friends you relied on. Maybe that's what love is supposed to be like. Maybe you just meet people and go through phases with them, then move on or try to move on when its over. Think about it. We're constantly changing. Is there one single person out there whose changes continuously compliment your own? Maybe there are people who are easily influenced enough that they can make it work. I'm not sure. I love Eric with all of my heart, and I'd like to think that we'll be together forever but I'm not counting on it. The best I can do is live day to day and see how things progress. I guess I'll change my mind if things last, but until then I'll remain cynical. or don't

You don't have to always be right. [18 Apr 2005|11:49pm] [ mood | nauseated ] We had so much fun Saturday. Damn. I ♥ Omar & Derek. Omar, fo'sho and fo'def. But Derek was really cute. Funny guy. Anyway, it was great but I'd like to actually drink when I go. Anyone wanna be our DD? I was so exhausted at work on Sunday. Eric called and I talked to him until 7:30 (I'm stupid) knowing I had to get up at 8:30. I slept 12 hours straight, got up to call in, watched some Scooby-Doo and slept more today. I flopped down on the couch yesterday and I hurt my back really bad. Must've been the way I did it, but I had some trouble getting up this morning lol. I have to go looking for an apartment tomorrow. I keep putting it off, but Omar's going to need a place to live soon. ...The world won't turn until something breaks. Who will make the first last mistake? They say that good things come to those who wait. Into the spiral. Your world and my world. It's never final. Love just leaves you bruised. I went because you said you'd be there. A box of candy, smoke in your hair. When I didn't know I didn't care. But now I know... Love just leaves you bruised... And I've got the scars to prove it... If you've never given The Bens a try, you should. or don't

I went because you said you'd be there. [16 Apr 2005|07:54pm] [ mood | crazy ] We went to see the new Amityville last night. The reel screwed up so we had to go back today. Let me just say that it is completely frikkin' scary. For once, the remake was better than the original. Anyway, I just wanted to leave that little bit. We're headed out now. or don't

I'm far from lonely and it's all that I've got. [13 Apr 2005|06:31pm] [ mood | melancholy ] Lee is still in need of some cheer, sunlight and alcohol. I'm trying to catch up on all the movies I've bought recently and haven't watched. I'm tired of doing that, though, so I'm wanting to go out. I had planned to, and I might, but y'know. When I came home last night there was a fatass rattlesnake in the corner of the laundry room. I was so freaked out. I felt for sure last night. At once we said goodbye. No one else will know these lonely dreams. No one else will know that part of me. I'm still driving away And I'm sorry every day. I wont always love these selfish things. I wont always live. Stop it. It was my turn to decide. I knew this was our time. No one else will have me like you do. No one else will have me, only you. You'll sit alone forever. If you wait for the right time. What are you hoping for? I'm here and now I'm ready, Holding on tight. Dont give away the end, The one thing that stays mine. Amazing still it seems, I'll be 23. I wont always love what I'll never have. I wont always live in my regrets. I ♥ you. or don't

Please come back, Lisa. [10 Apr 2005|11:02pm] [ mood | chipper ] Lee needs to cheer up. Poor. wake up in the morning i shall wake up and so shall you and i wake up, the sun is beautiful and it is warming you and i fragile as we lie or don't

Golly Sandra. [08 Apr 2005|10:10pm] [ mood | horny ] My computer has been on the fritz lately. The lady said I had too many programs running from the back. I'm not exactly sure as to what that means, but I'll take her word for it and try to give my pc a lighter workload. Anberlin is coming on Monday and I really wanna go, but I don't know if anyone will switch with me at work. I get off at 5 that day and I suppose I could make it if I sped, but I'd rather be able to take my time. Maybe I can negotiate an hour or two. Maybe. Our paperback books, our charming looks, Our identical hands composing our commands. I cut the moon in half and stuck a piece to my hair. It made the back of my head glow golden yellow. Then I took ten stars on sticks And placed them in my small, metal bucket. I gave the other half to you So you wouldn't forget me while I'm gone... Oh, my love, we could live on the sun. And wouldn't we be attractive Riding in our shining motorcars With eyeglasses full of stars And plenty of paper for scenery painting. or don't

I am doll eyes. [14 Mar 2005|01:39am] [ mood | cranky ] I keep trying to convince Eric to move, but I don't think he's warming up to it. I've been hanging with Omar a lot lately. Good times. Yeah, they really want you. They really want you. They really do. Yeah, they really want you. They really want you, And I do, too. I want to be the girl with the most cake. I love him so much it just turns to hate. I fake it so real I am beyond fake. Someday you will ache like I ache. or don't

Get your own. [01 Mar 2005|01:45pm] [ mood | good ] Needless to say, but crap this song reminds me of someone lol. I think you'd agree. Had a bad day, don't talk to me. Gonna ride this out. My little black heart breaks apart With your big mouth. And I'm sick of my sickness. Don't touch me, you'll get this. I'm useless, lazy, perverted And you hate me. But you can't save me. You can't change me. Well I'm waiting for my wake-up call And everything, everything's my fault. Went to the doctor and I asked her To make this stop. Got medication, a new addiction. Fucking thanks a lot. Had a relapse, I'm bad at rehabs. Ruins everything. So point your finger at the stinger. He's in the pharmacy. You can't save me. You can't change me. Well I'm waiting for my wake-up call And everything's my fault. You can't save me. You can't blame me. Well I'm waiting here to take the fall And everything, everything's my fault. And I'm a death-trap, haven't slept yet. Baby, why the wake-up call? I'm the bad boy, tell the tabloids. Everything's my fault. Write it, write it. Everything's my fault. Everything's my fault. I went to heaven, I couldn't get in For what I had done. I said, "Please, take me." They said, "You're crazy. You had too much fun." You can't save me. You can't change me. Well I'm waiting for my wake-up call And everything's my fault. You can't save me. You can't blame me. Well I'm waiting here to take the fall And everything, everything's my fault. You can't save me. You can't change me. Everything's my fault. or don't

I want to be the girl with the most cake. [08 Feb 2005|05:09pm] [ mood | lazy ] My room is flippin' filthy. I haven't cleaned it since last May, I believe. I just hate doing it and I don't wanna. I have to find a new place. Damn, life is boring. All I do is sleep, eat and work. And I talk to Eric occasionally. I'll sing it one last time for you Then we really have to go. You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done. And I can barely look at you, But every single time I do I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here. Light up, light up As if you have a choice. Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, dear. Louder, louder And we'll run for our lives. I can hardly speak, I understand Why you can't raise your voice to say... To think I might not see those eyes Makes it so hard not to cry, And as we said our long goodbyes I nearly did. Light up, light up As if you have a choice. Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, dear. Slower, slower We don't have time for that. All I want is to find an easier way To get out of our little heads. Have heart, my dear. We're bound to be afraid. Even if it's just for a few days Making up for all that's less. Light up, light up As if you have a choice. Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, dear. or don't

A married man visits me. [08 Nov 2004|12:10am] [ mood | awake ] My three days off were slightly interesting. I did get to spend time with Sabrina. We haven't done much lately, what with work and all. I thought I'd have to wait until Friday for another day off, but someone wanted to switch. That means that I'm off on Tuesday now. I don't have to wait so long. We got a new dog. He's the cutest thing. The lady said he didn't even weigh a pound yet, but he's a few months old now. I've got to send Eric's birthday present! Gah! His birthday was in October. I'm so behind! ...And sometimes when you’re on, you’re really fucking on And your friends they sing along and they love you. But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap And it teases you for weeks in its absence. But you’ll fight and you’ll make it through. You’ll fake it if you have to, And you’ll show up for work with a smile. And you’ll be better and you’ll be smarter And more grown up and a better daughter or son And a real good friend. And you’ll be awake, you’ll be alert. You’ll be positive though it hurts And you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends And you’ll be a real good listener. You’ll be honest, you’ll be brave You’ll be handsome and you’ll be beautiful. You’ll be happy. Your ship may be coming in. You’re weak but not giving in To the cries and the wails of the valley below. And your ship may be coming in. You’re weak but not giving in. And you’ll fight it You’ll go out fighting all of them... Oh, and don't talk to that queerball, Lee *wink*. 2 comment ♥ or don't

We run with scissors in our hands. [01 Nov 2004|11:13pm] [ mood | sick ] I hope everyone had a lovely Halloween. Mine was spent working. It's just as well. I haven't celebrated Halloween for a few years now. I had to work last year, too. The year before that (2002), Sabrina and I just had fun being mean to the trick-or-treaters. We did things like pouring cups of sugar into their little bags, or screaming at them from behind the door. I'm patiently waiting for Thursday. I can't wait to be off. Just 2 more days! I'm getting a nasty cold. Nasty! I think I have much more to say here, but I don't because I think that it's really boring and that no one will want to read it. No one reads it anyway, but sometimes I get a random reader and I don't want to put them to sleep with my droning about seeing someone I haven't seen in a long time or the fact that work was the worst today. Well, anyway, good luck voting tomorrow. I'm still undecided (eek!) so I'd better make up my mind and quick. Maybe I'll play "eenie-meenie-miney-mo" on the ballot. Just a question, but don't think it odd that Jerrica never gets jealous of Jem? I mean, Rio has this thing going on with the both of them. Even though they're the same person, Rio doesn't know that, so he's basically cheating on her. That wouldn't make me feel very secure. But, hey, that's just me. Since our satellite is out, I've been watching and re-watching episodes of "Jem". Gawsh ♥. ...Sometimes I get the feeling That I won't be on this planet for very long. I really like it here. I'm quite attached to it. I hope I'm wrong. All I really wanna say is You're the reason I wanna stay. I loved you before I met you And I met you just in time 'Cause there was nothing left... All I know is I've gotta be Where my heart says I oughta be. It often makes no sense. In fact, I never understand these things I feel... I love you. Goodbye... *smooch* or don't

Die young and save yourself. [30 Oct 2004|11:03pm] [ mood | geeky ] Well, to start this off I guess I should say I'm not really depressed. Some friends have been a little concerned about my mental and emotional state due to some of my entries, so let that be known. Though I truly appreciate their concern. There's no need to worry. Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know, Like how to deal with despair or someone breaking your heart. For twelve years I've held it all together, But a night like this is begging to pull me apart. I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation. I felt un-cool and hung out around the kitchen. I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would, And now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could... They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven, But they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell... So that's what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with 'Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish. I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids. Have another drink and drive yourself home. I hope there's ice on all the roads And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt And again when your head goes through the windshield. Is that what you call tact? You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back. So let's end this call and end this conversation. So that's what you call a getaway. Tell me what you got away with 'Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed. When you say 'best friends' means friends forever... Good song, but those are just excerpts so you know. I'm so excited about the time change. One extra hour. or don't

I think it's going to rain today. [25 Oct 2004|01:40pm] [ mood | sad ] I'm so depressed. This song makes me feel completely empty, but I suppose that's a good sign. It's not everyday that Vanessa Carlton can make me feel something. White Houses Crashed on the floor when I moved in This little bungalow with some strange new friends Stay up too late and I'm too thin We promise each other it's till the end Now we're spinning empty bottles, it's the five of us With pretty-eyed boys, girls die to trust I can't resist the day No, I can't resist the day Jenny screams out and it's no pose 'Cause when she dances, she goes and goes Beer through the nose on an inside joke And I'm so excited, I haven't spoken And she's so pretty and she's so sure Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her Summer's all in bloom Summer is ending soon It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone But I hold on to your secrets in white houses Maybe I'm a little in over my head I come undone at the things he's said And he's so funny in his bright red shirt We were all in love and we all got hurt I sneak into his car's black leather seat The smell of gasoline in the summer heat We were growing way too fast It's all too sweet to last It's alright and I put myself in his hands But I hold on to your secrets in white houses Love, or something, ignites in my veins And I pray it never fades in white houses My first time, hard to explain Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think He's my first mistake Maybe you were all faster than me We gave each other up so easily These silly little wounds will never mend I feel so far from where I've been So I go, and I will not be back here again I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses I lie, put my injuries all the dust In my heart is the five of us in white houses And you, maybe you'll remember me What I gave is yours to keep in white houses In white houses or don't

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps. [25 Oct 2004|12:02am] [ mood | confused ] I don't think I'm going to go to work tomorrow. I've been saying that for the past few days, but I really don't think I will this time. My ankle just gets worse and worse and the bruising is just nasty. Plus, the swelling isn't going down. I imagine standing on it for eight hours isn't going to help it. Our satellite still isn't working. I'm going crazy. It's not that television rules my life, but I miss the few shows that I watched regularly. I'm getting tired of watching the same old movies. I can't tell you how many times I've watched Fern Gully and The Last Unicorn in the past few weeks. My sheets don't fit my bed anymore. That just makes me angry. I also melted a bit of plastic on the top sheet, accidentally. Today's been full of coincidences. Speaking of that, Sabrina *ahem*: ...Sooner or later, we'll be looking back on everything And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening And someday you might listen to what people have to say But for now, you learn the hard way... <(*,*)> or don't

You and me goin' fishin' in the dark... [23 Oct 2004|11:15pm] [ mood | restless ] I know it's been forever. I kind of started a myspace, but that got old. So, I guess I'll just come crawling back to you. The saddest part is that my life has remained the same, for the most part. I've managed to fall in love and be confused and hurt and happy and hurt again and now content all in a matter of months. That's nothing new, I can assure you. I'm positive I'm not the only person to be dealing with such matters. But for now I can be satisfied loving and trying to understand things I sometimes can't. That'll just have to do. Wal-Mart is happenin'. You know. I'm making this cd for Eric for his birthday. I don't like that sentence. Too many 'for's. But, anyway, it consists of all the worst (or best, depending on your outlook) country songs ever recorded. And the list goes: + "Boot Scootin' Boogie" - Brooks & Dunn + "All My Exes Live in Texas" - George Strait + "A Country Boy Can Survive" - Hank Williams, Jr. + "Jose Cuervo" - Shelly West + "Fiddle in the Band" - Alabama + "Country Boys and Girls Gettin' Down on the Farm" - Tim McGraw + "Texas Tornado" - Tracy Lawrence + "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" - Charlie Daniels Band + "Fishin' in the Dark" - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band + "Chatahoochie" - Alan Jackson + "Friends in Low Places" - Garth Brooks + "Cadillac Ranch" - Chris Ledoux + "Some Girls Do" - Sawyer Brown + "Ain't Nothin' Wrong With the Radio" - Aaron Tippin + "Who's Your Daddy?" - Toby Keith + "Trouble" - Travis Tritt I'm sure I'll think of a few more, and if any of you do the same please let me know. Hah, I fell down the stairs. So funny. I hurt myself, but it's really fun. But as for now, I'm gonna hear the saddest songs and sit alone... Okay, not really. As for now I'd better get in bed because I have to have my butt up before the sun. ...I can look into your eyes and see the mess we're in. But, darling, if it's shit came out, then I suppose that it's shit went in. Even though I couldn't say I've been the places that you've been, You know you made my heart real strong, even if you made my head real thin... or don't

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